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Written on 05/04/2016
Keeon Minors

Submitted by Jonah Soriano

Having used up most my vacation days for the year, I’ve mastered the art of 3-night-long trips (the Dora in me just can’t help it) along side the hacks of carry-on packing and staying alive while getting through a semi-packed itinerary. Lately I’ve been on a streak of visiting places close to my hometown somewhat off season but decent enough time that I’d still find humans to interact with. After all that’s the beauty of it all. Pick a couple of points of interest and voila. Although my recent adventure is to a destination most popular for honeymooners; I, who by all means wasn’t there for baby-making reasons, had a fairly good balance of secluded and social experience. It was all but yawn. Just ask the lovely bachelorette party we painted the island red with.

Also summoning the non-couples to its direction, Bermuda.

First, forget about the Bermuda Triangle and the enigmatic disappearances of vessels that go over or in it, it’s irrelevant. Second, courtesy of Google Maps, let’s get acquainted with its location. Ergo, point at what seems like a tiny dot on the Atlantic somewhat diagonally south to New York. Most people mistake it to be part of the Caribbean, it’s actually closer to Toronto than any of the Caribbean islands in terms of direct flights. 2.5 hours. That’s it! As you zoom in, you get to see its hook shape that you can’t help but think of Neverland. Because you know, Captain Hook.

Third, let it be known that since Pinterest was born, I’ve had a pin board titled “Pink Sand Beach – Bermuda”. That and my island girl problems pretty much fueled this trip.

Comes the points of interest and a couple of travel agents.

The Pink Sands

For the same reason that my brain can’t comprehend the exact science behind baking, I just can’t get over that there’s such a thing as pink sands. The fascination for the colored grains might have something to do with the fact that women in general do see more color. It doesn’t help that one of my lifelong dreams is to roll on a bed of pink cotton candy, when I didn’t know a better version of it came in a form of a beach. The Bermudian sands and waters are just some of the things that makes it special, other than its people and culture of course. We were lucky enough that our host’s apartment is a beach-front property and you guessed right, off of a pink sanded beach. Just stupendous.

It’s a perfect gradual escalation of sand quality. We walked from Long Bay where the sand is more distinctively pink although grainy, to Horseshoe Bay where the sand is out of this world powdery fine salmon pink. Process that.

Horseshoe Bay

If walking on clouds was possible, this is how it would feel walking on the sands of Horseshoe Bay. The trip from the apartment to this beach is very scenic but there are no sidewalks on the narrow 2 way streets of South Road or anywhere really. We tackled as much sand as we could and moved to parks that connected the way from the apartment to the most popular bay in Bermuda. Scooped Beagle poop in between (Oh the joys of dog-sitting)

So here I am sitting on the beach trying to capture ocean waves with my GoPro. My simple mind was marveled by the water agitating the pink in the sand with its waves. This place is all sorts of beautiful, I can’t deal!

Crystal and Fantasy Caves

There were the pink sands, then there were the Bermudian caves. Housing stalactites and stalagmites older than all of Earth’s grandmas and grandpas combined, this place was more than a treat. Turned my nerd on full mode and I was 10 again in a Science Fair. I haven’t done my research on the caves beforehand so going down into this rabbit hole I had to pick up my jaws in awe. All the hues my eyes are attracted to were present in one place. The azure blue waters, the clear crystallized rock formations; it’s one of those places that makes you high and there’s no option for rehab. This underground gem was accidentally discovered by two 12 year old boys in 1905 in search of their priced cricket ball that disappeared into a hole a few meters away. One of those boys is a Gibbons, apparently a Bermudian royalty. The kind of last name that is attached to an entire country. Yes please!

From here we go to the Fantasy Caves right beside it. 88 steps down, 188 back up (feels like it at least). It’s another cave beside Crystal Caves giving it a run for its money. Just check out the photos I took. Both caves are so damn pretty.

Grotto Bay Beach Resort

The only resort in Bermuda that offers an all inclusive option, it’s a few minutes bus ride to St. Georges Island.

In this property we went into the Grotto Bay. It’s a much smaller cave and unlike the Crystal or Fantasy Cave, you can swim in here and there’s no entrance fee. We walked in the resort like nobody’s business. One of the locals we connected with had a good grasp of the area. Here you can charter a boat with friends and go wake boarding. But it’s April. A windless warmer temperature is less imminent. So I left that place more disappointed than a 2 year old not getting cookies for breakfast. But hey, Bermuda isn’t going anywhere in the summer. Right?

As I mentioned earlier, one of the most fun part of traveling for me is the number of wicked people we get to meet and stay in touch with while in destination and after getting home. The Bermudians are ever so friendly and have a sense of humor funnier than Trevor Noah (Google him. Just do it). I mostly admire their hospitality and patriotic demeanor.Bermudians and Tourists

Bermudians aside, while we were walking down the Warwick Long Bay, we’ve totally kicked it off with a gorgeous group of ladies out for sun worship and liver-damaging activities. It was love at first beach. Side Splits Meet Amy Schumer in an episode of Absolute Fun Times. Aftermath photos not included.


Think Elvis Presley twistin’ and shoutin’ in your drink while he shakes them hips.
Think “So this is how it feels like to get hit by a truck” after waking up. Then you can think Pink Martinis from Wahoo for brunch. Keep going until you pronounce Bermuda “Maple Bacon Donut.”

Front Street, Hamilton

This entire street is not just a tourist melting pot. Aside from the cruisers, vacationers, backpackers, students etc…this is where you will find nests and nests of locals out for happy hour as if life couldn’t be any better living in a beautiful country, earning tax-free paychecks. On our first couple nights we hopped places. Pickled Onion, Red, PortOCall and Cairo Café. Our last night was spent at the Docksiders. There were less foreigners out here plus Dancehall and Reggae were rampant. My kinda weekend fix. I wish I took pictures but 1 tequila, 2 tequila, 3 accidentally Snapchatting unflattering photos of your night. You get the gist. Bermuda’s night life is anything but pretentious. If you’re expecting a 5-inch-platform-wearing kinda night out, you’ll be sulking in the corner.

Needless to say, this captivating paradise is such a slice of delectable buttercream cake you’d want to eat it. The sights have ruined my senses for life by amplifying them to the ninths. For one I thought I saw beautiful beaches. I really haven’t until this trip and I haven’t seen half the island yet. Then there comes the people. It has left nothing for the imagination, it’s forever etched in my memory. Now home bound. About to werk werk werk werk werk so that I can come twerk twerk twerk twerk twerk my way back here in the summer.

Lastly, if these views don’t convince you to get yourselves to Bermuda, you’re a drone.